You Want to Talk About Justice?

Tips for Engaging Friends Who Just Don’t Have a Clue

“I can’t unsee the pain, but some of my closest friends have no idea.”

A dear friend said this to me recently. Her voice was low—not angry, not bitter—just tired. The kind of tired that settles in your bones when you’re carrying the weight of awareness. We were talking about Gaza, Congo, the rising tide of book bans and political repression, and the ways injustice is showing up all around us—loud and undeniable.

“What happens when you try to engage with them on a current social issue?” I asked.

She took a breath and replied, “They say things like, ‘I’m so busy I just don’t have time to focus on that stuff’ or ‘I saw that…I feel so sad for them. Want to go to the gym?’”

We sat in that for a moment. The absurdity and the pain of it. The mental gymnastics people do to compartmentalize suffering, to scroll past genocide, to disconnect from stories of children being buried, books being banned, or whole communities being erased.

Then she said, “I just don’t understand how they don’t know. Maybe it’s about religion? Or travel? Or the news they watch?”

Maybe. Maybe it’s all those things.
Maybe it’s also privilege.
Maybe it’s intentional ignorance.

But here’s what I know for sure: whether a person knows—and cares—about what’s happening in the world is rarely determined by a single identity marker. It’s not just age, race, religion, education, or income. It’s something else. Something harder to define.

I’ve come to think of it as a continuum—a spectrum of awareness and response. And most people we know fall somewhere along it.

Let’s walk through it.

The Continuum of Awareness & Action

1. Don’t know
   These are the folks whose algorithm feeds them puppies, make-up tips, dance trends, and celebrity gossip. They genuinely have no idea what’s happening outside their bubble. They may be sweet. They may be kind. But their world is small, and someone—maybe you—will have to widen it.
2. Kind of know, but intentionally avoid
   They’ve heard something. Maybe a headline. Maybe a clip. But they quickly look away. They respond to injustice with a reflexive “That’s so sad,” before changing the subject. They don’t want to feel helpless. Or guilty. Or accountable. So, they don’t go further.
3. Know and don’t care
   These are the hardest ones. They know the facts and still manage to maintain emotional and behavioral distance. The “not my problem” camp. They might intellectualize suffering or reduce it to unfortunate inevitabilities. Either way, they choose apathy.
4. Care and judge others for not caring
   These folks are awake, alert, and passionate—and exhausted. Much of their energy is spent pointing out the failures of others. They’re right to be angry. But often that anger is misdirected, eating them from the inside and pushing others away. (I’ve been this person. Maybe you have too.)
5. Care and act
   This is the aspiration. People who understand the issues, feel them deeply, and then do something.
   They:
   
   • Volunteer
   • Find and use vendors who align with your values
   • Promote small businesses 
   • Share books and readings that encourage reflection
   • Host small group discussions on social topics, salon style
   • Amplify voices that go unheard
   • Coach and mentor
   • Vote with intention
   • Donate strategically
   • Use their platforms—however big or small—to raise awareness
   • Create space for others
   • Do their own inner work

They care and act not from guilt or performative urgency, but from a grounded place of clarity and commitment. They know they can’t fix the world, but they can show up fully in their corner of it.

“But how do I talk to people who aren’t there yet?”

This is the question I get the most. “How do I talk to my friends, my coworkers, my family who just… don’t get it?”

Here are a few tips:

1. Start with curiosity, not judgment

People are more open to growth when they don’t feel attacked. Try:

“I saw this headline and it really got to me—have you seen anything about it?”
Invite them in instead of calling them out.

2. Use your stories, not just stats

Facts matter, but stories move people. If something touched you, share why.

“I read this piece about a mother in Gaza and it just stuck with me. I keep thinking about what I’d do in her shoes.”

3. Give them something small to do

Action helps people feel less overwhelmed. Recommend a short video, a local event, or a trusted donation site.

“I just started following this journalist who explains things in such a human way—want me to send you one of their clips?”

4. Normalize the discomfort

Part of the work is sitting with the hard stuff. Let them know it’s okay to feel confused, sad, even guilty.

“It’s a lot, I know. I felt paralyzed at first too. But staying with it—even when it’s hard—is part of the work.”

5. Model what caring looks like—without burning out

Be the example. Take your action seriously, and your rest even more seriously. If you show up grounded, others will notice.

Start Where You Are

If you’re someone who feels the pain of the world in your chest, I see you. If you’re trying to talk to your friends, your community, your colleagues—and you’re met with blank stares or dismissive nods—I feel your ache.

But here’s the thing: not everyone will arrive at the same time, or by the same route. That’s okay.
Keep showing up. Keep the door open. Keep telling the truth.

We don’t change people by yelling louder. We change people by being impossible to ignore—in our presence, our integrity, and our unwavering love.

The world is hard right now. But you’re here. You care. You act.
That’s not a small thing. That’s everything.

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